the two emotions that i am aware of are joy and anger.. i dont knw wat is pain,. sorrow..wat is dat?. i dont like hurt,,
who wuld lyk it anyways..i want to be happy olwez ..
maybe im coward cuz i dont wnt to be alone..
cuz when im alone this is the time ive think of sum things that makes me feel pitty for myself.. yeah i hav a lot of insecurities..mentally, socially and most of all physically.. im afraid of commiting relationship.. i dont want to be involved in problems.. thou i may look strong but deep with in me..is a child that never grows.. im immature.. cuz til now. at dis age i dont hav any plan for myself.. maybe im not visible to men cuz even me to myself im not aware of.. they say learn to love urself first before u can luv others.. but how? where will i start?,, i never tried anything cuz i dont want to be ridicule maybe coward and no sense of maturity thats wat u can call me,,
im a big chameleon, everything are pretensions.. i may look happy but deep with in me is sadness.. its realy true that the best disguise for any emotions is smile.. smiling outside but hurting inside.. i dont understand why i feel empty,, im shallow, im petty..i always want sumone to talk to..it made me forget this feeling of emptiness whenever im with my friends,, tropas and barkadas.. i have a lot of friends but nobody seems to be a perfect one to go for comfort, maybe they are and maybe im just looking for sumthing diffrnt maybe those who have passion.. i gues it wil come from a man that im looking for myself, to be with me for the rest of my life..i miss my frends that are leaving.. i hate goodbyes.. i always say dem.. that we wil stil see each oder..everybody seems to be leaving, they go on their way.. i envy them for knowing their selves more..cuz me.. i dont know at all
i guess im a weakling'' yeah thats it,, thats the ryt term.. i want to be called astig yet i cant handle myself.. worst, i dont knw myself.. poor girl!!!
maybe i wil be able to attest my indenpendency when my mother leave the country thou i dont want to be alone but it was the odd for me.. i should learn to mingle with oders and learn not to judge them immediately, cuz they might be a great friend to be
astig!!! thats wat i want to call for myself
astig for me is a gurl who can carry herself no matter what the situation is.. she knows how to handle problems..and to compose herself in tyms that shes in unnecessary event.. that wats an Astig for me..
wat i picture on myself is driving a motorbike,, all alone.. wearing a white shirt with bull cap and a pair faded pants.. thats how she can handle herself what a man can do, an astig gurl can do too..ASTIG d b??!!..
i lyk girls who are effortlessly beautiful.. i appreciate them for not giving too much effort on themselves yet they look amazingly beautiful.. I am annoyed with the girls who are very conscious and too vain.. for me wearing make up calls for occassions and being glamour too..you bet? if they dont wear make or watsoever wil they stil look pretty?.. maybe sum wll say that it was just of personal grooming, I understand but not too much dear..you will still look good or might stand out even in just less effort.. I remember,, as we came out frm the elevator I saw a girl walking at the lobby.. Wow shes really Astig.. No makeup at all, petite..about 5'4 tall.. her hair ponied a little higher from her back..(shoulder length with slightly sided bangs) on her white long sleeves and a faded skinny straight jeans, she walks like a model on a ramp..grabeh astig tlga thats all i can say.. i hope to see her again..kea lng it seems that it was the last tym for me to see her.. as u read this u may think that im a lesbian,, nah..i may act and think like a guy but definitely im real girl..
actually theres sumone special to me ryt now.. i dont knw if he knows,, beter not him know
my health is the biggest hindrance on me,, cuz Im planning to go abroad but my sickness and the status of my health is not good..i even want to work on a bigger and more compensated company but i cant seem to go there cuz i might not be considered cuz im insufficient in terms of health status..ive been doing things to make myself feel good and in order for me to feel well, i tend to vanish the foods that are not unhealthy..but i cant help myself craving for them..they are all mouth watering ryt? forbidden foods are delicious foods.